Hulk: The way it was meant to be
by weirdDAR
Summary: Ang Lee destroyed one of the greatest green mutants that came from Marvel ever. This is the way it should of been done. Chapter three is now up.
1. The start of something

The Hulk  
  
By weirdDAR  
  
(Before the movie starts...)  
  
voice: Yes, this is how it should of been done.  
  
(Credits start. And it was how everyone expected...long.  
  
Eventually, they stop. A man, David is in a lab, taking blood samples. A   
  
soldier walks in.)  
  
Soldier: What are you doing?  
  
David: Uh...Shooting up heroin?  
  
Soldier: Oh okay! (Turns around to walk out, then he stops...  
  
and turns back around.) Wait a minute...you're heroin is in the other  
  
lab room! The boys were playing with it. You're taking blood samples!  
  
David: Look, it's my blood...I'll do whatever I want to do with it.  
  
Soldier: (Stops) Hey. That's a good point. I never thought of it that  
  
way before. Gee...if only the writers did...maybe the final cut wouldn't  
  
of turned out like it did.  
  
David: May I take my blood in peace now?  
  
(Cut to David in the kitchen, with Cindy Crawford.)  
  
Cindy: I have wonderful news.  
  
David: Oh thank God. I thought my dildo order would never get here!  
  
Cindy: No...not that. I'm pregnant.  
  
David: Holy Shit.  
  
Cindy: Yeah, I know.  
  
David: So my dildo didn't come?  
  
(Cut back to the lab. The next year. The same soldier walks back in.)  
  
Soldier: What's going on here?  
  
David: What do you mean?  
  
Soldier: I found traces of your blood with a secert formula that would   
  
cause you to turn powerful if exposed to radiation.  
  
David: Not just radiation. GAMMA radiation.  
  
Soldier: Don't play smart scientist with me, Banner. I want answers.  
  
David: To what?  
  
Soldier: Coffee. How is it made?  
  
David: Well...  
  
(Cut to David walking down a hallway. He passess a button that is   
  
labeled "Unnecessary self explosion button." For fun, he presses it.  
  
An alarm goes off. David runs out of the lab and head home. His car   
  
is a 99' Tarus. Don't forget this is the 50s. David gets out of his   
  
car and runs in the house. Cindy Crawford and Baby Bruce are playing  
  
with toys.)  
  
David: Don't you hear the alarm? This place is going to explode!  
  
Cindy: David...we live three towns away from that lab. That's about  
  
700 miles. I don't think it's going to come anywhere near us.  
  
David: Shut up! (He grabs her and throws her in the bedroom. He follows  
  
and closes the door. You hear screaming and screaming. Then you hear   
  
moaning and moaning. Baby Bruce stares in confusion. Then he continues  
  
to play with his toys.)  
  
Seventeen years later...  
  
(Bruce is now 18. [I do math] He's packing his clothes in a black garbage  
  
bag. An old woman walks in. This isn't Cindy Crawford.)  
  
Bruce: What do you want?  
  
Old woman who isn't Cindy Crawford: I know I'm not your mother, and I   
  
only adopted you after that mysterious incident which will not be   
  
revealed until later on in the film, but I love you. I know you're   
  
going to become something great one of these days. Something... everyone  
  
will remember. You'll probably be remembered for your mind...not your  
  
power.  
  
Bruce: Power?   
  
Old woman who isn't Cindy Crawford: Nothing. Just nothing.  
  
(They hug and he leaves, with his garbage bag over his shoulder.)  
  
Eight years later...  
  
[I not want to do math today]  
  
(Bruce is riding his bike on a freeway, people pass by...honking   
  
and cursing at him for being in the way. Bruce parks his bike in a   
  
staff parking spot labeled "Security guard #1: Original Hulk". Lou,  
  
the original Hulk, arrives in his car...but is disgruntled by this.   
  
He begins to turn green, but Ang Lee appears in the back seat.)  
  
Ang Lee: Sorry, Lou, I don't believe in a real hulk. You're gonna have  
  
to stay white. I don't like you.  
  
(Ang Lee disappears.)  
  
(Bruce walks inside, where he meets up with Betty Ross. Betty Ross is   
  
wearing a skimpy white tank top and a very short skirt. Doesn't she  
  
remind you of a scientist?)   
  
Betty: Ready, Bruce?  
  
Bruce: Maybe.  
  
Betty: Common, Bruce. We play this game every morning. Will you just   
  
tell me if you're ready?  
  
Bruce: Maybe.  
  
Betty: God, you're creepy. I don't even see how you landed this gig in  
  
the first place.  
  
Bruce: I guess when people found out Ang Lee was directing, it was hard  
  
to find any one who was crazy enough to go for it.  
  
Betty: That makes sense. Well, let's go into the radiation testing room.  
  
(The two walk into the test room...at three diffrent angles thanks to Ang  
  
Lee's BEAUTIFUL artistic directing.)  
  
To be continued...  
  
Next chapter: (Coming soon) Bruce is exposed to gamma radiation. Then  
  
a bunch of people piss him off. Then he changes into the...  
  
oops, we're out of time. Guess you'll have to wait and find out. 


	2. Hulk angry

Hulk--Chapter two  
  
by weirdDAR  
  
Betty: Let's do this.  
  
(Betty presses a few buttons, and the camera expresses this through  
  
two angles. Bruce is stiff, gripping his knees. Betty grabs his hands.)  
  
Betty: It'll be okay.  
  
Bruce: How do you know? You don't know what's going to happen!  
  
Betty: I just know, alright.  
  
Bruce: Alright then...if something goes wrong, you owe my fifty dollars.  
  
Betty: Deal.  
  
P.A system: Bruce...Betty...There's something wrong with the radiation  
  
controls. Bruce, come in and check it out. Maybe something interesting  
  
to this movie will actually happen.  
  
(Bruce gets up and walks into the Radiation control room.)  
  
Betty on the P.A: Bruce...there's something wrong.  
  
Bruce: What the hell do you think I'm doing here? I'm trying to fix  
  
the damn problem.  
  
Betty on the P.A: No...it's not that. Remember that pizza you ordered?  
  
Bruce: Yeah....  
  
Betty on the P.A: It just got here and...there's olives on it.  
  
Bruce: God dammit!   
  
(Bruce hits the gamma radiation machine toy thing and it begins to go  
  
off.)  
  
Betty on the P.A: Bruce I can't stop it!  
  
Bruce: What? The radiation?  
  
Betty on the P.A: No, the order. They said you'll have to take the  
  
olives.   
  
(Radiation is now pouring out of the machine and all over Bruce.)  
  
Bruce: (Barely) Don't...tip...the...bastard...  
  
(Goes to sleep.)  
  
(Betty notices on a monitor his heart stoped.)  
  
Betty: Bruce?  
  
(She rushes in the room, and begins CPR. She stops for a minute when  
  
she notices the monitor shows Bruce's heart has started again. She  
  
looks back at Bruce, and his eyes open quickly. Ala Spider-man. Bruce  
  
grabs Betty's neck.)  
  
Bruce: You owe me fifty bucks.  
  
(He throws her on the ground and begins to form into the HULK! First,   
  
his watch comes off. It's a Rugrats talking watch he got at Burger King.  
  
Then his wallet falls out of his pocket, that has ripped. Betty has been  
  
knocked out. yay!.)  
  
Hulk: Hulk angry!  
  
(Hulk bust through the room and heads towards the pizza box. He looks  
  
down at the box and notices the olives. He roars loudly and throws the box  
  
out of the window, which hits Lou.   
  
Lou: My life couldn't get any worse...plus, there's olives on this pizza.  
  
(The Hulk smashes through the ceiling, where David, who is now older, is  
  
drunk. Hulk stops in his tracks.)  
  
David: Bruce?  
  
Hulk: Nick Nolte?  
  
David: No, I just look like him.  
  
(They have a silent moment...which will make the audience feel very  
  
uncomfortable. Hulk has a flashback to when his dad, David is tossing   
  
him in the air. You know...like fathers do to their children. Bruce is  
  
laughing. Then the doorbell rings. David doesn't catch Bruce, and lets  
  
him fall. Bruce doesn't cry. David answers the door, and it's a pizza man.)  
  
Pizza Man: I got a large pizza with Olives.)  
  
[Back to the father and Hulk scene.]  
  
(Hulk gets angry at this. Olives suck. Hulk growls. This scares David,  
  
but since he's drunk, there's no effect to his emotions.)  
  
David: Hey, I'm sorry...I meant to order no Olives. Can you find it in  
  
your heart to forgive me?  
  
(Hulk grabs David and throws him on top of a car. The building is luckily   
  
one story. A cop comes up to the car.)  
  
Cop: You've been driving drunk again, haven't you, Nick?  
  
David: My son...My Bruce...  
  
(Hulk reaches from inside the building and grabs Betty. He jumps on  
  
the Empire state building, which just so happened to be here...in   
  
California. Great directing, Ang.)  
  
Man from street: It's King Kong.  
  
Woman from street: No! King Kong doesn't look like Shrek.   
  
Shrek from street: I know! This lil' bastard is ripping me off.  
  
(Hulk climbs to the top of the building and roars.)  
  
(Spider-man, Daredevil and Blade come through the stairway.)  
  
Daredevil: What the hell do you think you're doing?  
  
(Hulk stops.)  
  
Spider-man: Look, pal, I know Marvel is going crazy with the movie  
  
rights and all...but you don't need to over play us.   
  
Blade: Not many people knew I'm from Marvel, so I don't know why I'm  
  
here in the first place.  
  
Daredevil: What'd we talk about, Blade? Huh? That's right...no talking.  
  
Blade: Sorry, Mr. Affleck.  
  
Spider-man: Put the girl down, Hulk...and end the movie now.   
  
(Hulk growls and smashes all of them. Luckily, they were only stunt  
  
doubles...except for Blade, but I don't think anyone is going to be   
  
too sad about that.)  
  
The next morning...  
  
(Betty wakes up, she holds her head.)  
  
Betty: What happened last night?  
  
(She rolls over, on top of Bruce.)  
  
Betty: Oh...my...God...  
  
To be continued...  
  
Next chapter: Betty is forced to contact her father about Bruce.   
  
Then some crazy shit happens. Please leave a review. 


	3. Betty and Ross

Chapter three.  
  
by weirdDAR  
  
(Betty slowly gets out of bed, and grabs her Veriozon Wireless cell phone. She dials 911)  
  
Betty:  
  
Yeah, can I speak to my dad...Ross.  
  
Operator:  
  
What? I can't hear you.  
  
(Betty steps outside of the house.)  
  
Betty:  
  
Can you hear me now?  
  
Operator:  
  
Yes.  
  
Betty:  
  
Good...May I speak with Ross?  
  
Operator:  
  
Yes, hold on.  
  
(Operator puts her on hold.)  
  
Music playing over the phone...since it's on hold:  
  
And here's to you,  
  
Mrs Robinson  
  
Jesus loves you more than you will know  
  
Wo wo wo  
  
God bless you please,  
  
Mrs Robinson,  
  
Heaven holds a place for those who pray  
  
Hey hey hey,  
  
Hey hey hey.  
  
Operator:  
  
(Music shuts off)  
  
I found him.  
  
Ross: (over the telephone. But thanks to Ang Lee's beautiful technology, the screen splits  
  
allowing you to not only see Ross talking on the phone, you also get to see a close up on him  
  
scratching his ass.)  
  
What is it, honey?  
  
Betty:  
  
I found the Hulk.  
  
Ross:  
  
What?  
  
Betty:  
  
Can you hear me?  
  
Ross:   
  
Yeah, I can hear you NOW. But what do you mean you found the Hulk?  
  
Betty:  
  
He's here. We slept together last night.  
  
Ross:  
  
Oh...my...God...  
  
Betty:  
  
I know, that's what I said.  
  
Ross:  
  
You're not pregnant, are you?  
  
Betty:  
  
I'll tell you in five to seven days.  
  
Ross:   
  
Shit. Stay right there. I'll come over with more than enough S.W.A.T team members,  
  
and we'll capture this Hulk.  
  
Betty:  
  
S.W.A.T?   
  
Ross:  
  
Yep. Students working agaisnt tobacco. Fine ground of teens, they are.  
  
(Betty hangs up the phone and walks back inside, where Bruce is eatting some weird ass looking  
  
food that I question.)  
  
Betty:  
  
Bruce! Are you okay?  
  
Bruce:  
  
I never felt better.  
  
Betty:  
  
What about that one time you, Mary Jane Watson and I got in a three way?  
  
Bruce:  
  
Alright, that was better. But I'm feeling good right now too.  
  
Betty:  
  
I called my father.  
  
Bruce:  
  
Really? What's that ol' bastard up to these days?  
  
Betty:  
  
He's coming over. He's going to protect you.  
  
Bruce:  
  
From what? Do you have the clap?  
  
Betty:  
  
No! He's going to protect you from hurting anyone else. And when I say that, he's going to  
  
capture you and run a lot of test that will probably make you angry.  
  
Bruce:  
  
They wouldn't like--  
  
Betty:  
  
Yeah, yeah...we all know the goddamn line. Just try to go quietly.   
  
Bruce:  
  
How could you do this?   
  
Betty:  
  
If I didn't...this movie wouldn't be a greek tragedy.   
  
Bruce:  
  
Damn you, Betty. Damn you!   
  
(Bruce begins to turn green...and large.)  
  
Betty:  
  
Bruce! Don't!  
  
(Hulk breaks through the house, where there are already S.W.A.T members outside. Pointing guns.)  
  
Ross: (On P.A.)  
  
FIRE!  
  
(They open fire at Hulk, and Hulk begins laughing. Then he falls on the ground, laughing as hard   
  
as he can.)  
  
Ross: (On P.A)  
  
Okay, put him to sleep.  
  
(A S.W.A.T. member takes a needle and shoots the Hulk up with anti-adrenaline cream. yay!, and Hulk  
  
falls asleep.)  
  
Ross: (On P.A.)  
  
Good job, boy.  
  
(Betty runs out of the house, half naked. We don't know why, but it just makes good picture.)  
  
Betty:  
  
Did you kill him?  
  
Ross: (Walks over to Betty)  
  
No, honey, don't worry.  
  
Betty:  
  
Who's worried? I just need a father for my baby...in case I am pregnant.  
  
(The S.W.A.T. team tie up the Hulk to the back of a helicopter [Yeah, you heard me.] and fly away.)  
  
Ross:   
  
I'll see you later.  
  
(Ross leaves, and Betty is now in her bra and panties. YES!)  
  
To be continued...  
  
Next chapter:  
  
Desert. Goverment conspirasies, and the Hulk attempts to fly. All next in...chapter FOUR! 


End file.
